I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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