nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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