Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
