i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
