Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
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If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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