u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
