eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
