'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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