Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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