Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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