Jerry, you need to find god
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
