Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
last night I used snow as a chaser
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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