I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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