also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
