rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
