who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
