Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
