oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm at about main and main street
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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