This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Even my vagina gasped.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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