yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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