No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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