I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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