hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you had me at cake vodka
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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