You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The adults are the big ones right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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