what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I looked at my own cervix.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
