He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
