my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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