i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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