I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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