I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
