my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
