After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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