So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
