i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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