currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
