i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
