Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
