im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I could fuck to npr.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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