haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
