ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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