Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
