my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
