sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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