Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
