i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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