I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
