bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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