I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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