This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
