ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
