We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.