Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

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  (678): We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet. http://tfl.nu/x1wg
  Replies (29) Good night (7962) Bad night (803)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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  (701): She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed http://tfl.nu/42qb
  Replies (6) Good night (3823) Bad night (867)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.

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  (814): Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever. http://tfl.nu/him8
  Replies (2) Good night (1436) Bad night (1564)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

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  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
  Replies (3) Good night (2539) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.

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  (904): You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award. http://tfl.nu/86ud
  Replies (3) Good night (1416) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.

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  (928): You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today. http://tfl.nu/ne6p
  Replies (3) Good night (1150) Bad night (669)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.

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  (615): Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ktfh
  Replies (6) Good night (1489) Bad night (672)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.

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  (303): My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief. http://tfl.nu/edfe
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.

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  (719): I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room. http://tfl.nu/d9w2
  Replies (6) Good night (1933) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date

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  (850): I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date http://tfl.nu/9qn8
  Replies (3) Good night (368) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.

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  (734): This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving. http://tfl.nu/sgt2
  Replies (4) Good night (422) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?

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  (870): I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life? http://tfl.nu/mep1
  Replies (1) Good night (624) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick

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  (425): That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick http://tfl.nu/9s4e
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.

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  (404): I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it. http://tfl.nu/ptib
  Replies (2) Good night (1036) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Come to this bar

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  But I'm full of food.

  (512): View more from Texas

  MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK

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  (512): Come to this bar (1-512): But I'm full of food. (512): MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK http://tfl.nu/hxr0
  Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (165)

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