What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe