oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself