the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder