Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.