OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
