eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
