just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
