And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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