clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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