in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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