I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
