Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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