drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
