3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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