I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
