martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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