And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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