i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
