i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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