Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
