So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
